Channel 4 by Luke Wright - shortfuse

Channel 4 by Luke Wright

"channel" "4" by Luke Wright

reality tv bites and the public it bites back
drip fed neat their own lives by lifestyle guru hacks
pointless pop psychology passes for viewing pleasure
with the odd erect penis thrown in just for good measure
even trash has got an ethos and gameshows mirror lives
tell us something about ourselves before pulling out the knives
for live autopsy analysis of celeb culture law
but it’s so "bold" it’s so "shocking" it’s so "channel" "4"

this summer everyone will be talking abou "brits do the orient"
find out what happens when a school girl from kent
swaps her daily routine with that of a nepalese prostitute
will jenny smith find herself helpless and destitute
or will she loosen up that stiff upper lip and get on the game
answering the much asked and increasingly complex question
are english people different from foreigners or are we essentially just the same
thought provoking stuff i think you’ll agree

media types who don’t slog a nine to five
who believed the hype around dogma 95
prop up soundbite culture with their depictions of youth
and cite veron kay and june sapong as their proof
that they’re in touch with all the hip and trendy kids out there
vomiting top 100 hundreds lists as if somebody cares
with a presenter whose not afraid to swear and a soundtrack by the cure
it’s so "retro" it’s so "now" it’s so "channel" "4"

this autumn davina mccall will take to the streets of brixton at night
and find two young men to take part in an shoot til you drop gun fight
handheld camera action captures the edgy gritty inner city vibe
whilst short-lived press attention is promised to whoever survives
"street hate" which aims to glamourise poverty and excess violence
to white middle class children who don’t live in cities
and poses the pertinent question is gun crime excusable in the context of late-night youth tv
i think you’ll find the answer’s yes

poorly scripted porno soaps are here to deal with issues
but simply have the teenage boys reaching for the tissues
a group of pseudo rada hoes dressed in neavo prada clothes
will strike an eldorado pose with their newly sculpted nose
and teach the kids about drugs and aids and rape and aids and drugs and stuff
then undermine the efforts made by flashing us their bleached blonde muff
but whatever the case this blonde master race can never be a bore
it’s so "provocative" it’s so "huh like i give a fuck" it’s so "channel" "4"

this winter larry hagman and damien hirst present a new six-part documentary
about the imaginary friends of some of the uk’s biggest name celebrities
hear about the dinner parties victoria beckham has with her invisible friend lottie
or the eight hour sex sessions robbie williams has with his imaginary chum robbie
entitled simply "friend" "question mark" the show aims to make the general public
feel better about their sad narrow lives by exposing the dark twisted existences of the people they worship
and also allows pseudo interlectuals to say hmm a lot

cutting off the edges of cutting edge tv
it’s here to tell your ugly it’s here to tell your free
it’s here to tell you it doesn’t quite know what you should be today
and offer you chris evans to find another way
it’s here to over-theroise and interlectualise pop trash
it’s only really here to make itself some cash
it’s here because we want it it’s here because we’re bored
it’s so "well marketed" it’s so "us" it’s so "channel" "four"

and don’t forget that week nights at half past eleven is graham norton’s new show "graham’s about" -
the concept is similar to the sad much hated show beadle’s about but with a gay presenter
now that’s progressive tv programming

(Luke Wright is the founding member of performance poetry group Aisle16, and hass appeared at SHORTFUSE)

10.9.03 13:25

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